Ancient Mystery...

Finishing A Bad ‘Act’…

I’m going to be somewhat candid about sex. That was your warning.

I’ve been noticing several of my own behaviors these days… more or less studying myself to, of course, learn about ‘my self.’ One behavior I noticed was how I react to a bad lover. I was clueless.

When you first start dating someone, you usually know right away whether or not there is any sexual chemistry between you… evident in serious flirting or fast paced physical affections. I’ve had a couple of extraordinary lovers, a couple of average lovers and my first really BAD lover- since I started back into the dating world.

If I know that there is really not going to be anything more than an occasional play partner, I usually try not to be affectionate in any way. No handholding, no sitting really close, random smooching or cuddling… it’s easier to keep from getting too emotionally attached that way. There are sexual innuendos and flirtations, but nothing really affectionate. When it comes to sex with an occasional play partner… you can be a little more open about what you like/don’t like. Nobody’s feelings get hurt and you’re not really being judged… sex with no strings attached other than to have fun and maybe learning a thing or two.

With exceptional lovers… everything just flows naturally and you don’t really think about anything… you just feel ecstasy- pleasure… uninhibited because fear never comes to mind. ‘It just happens.’ One of the rare moments you and another person are physically & mentally in sync… even if it is only during sex.

But… what about the bad lover? How do you handle the bad lover situation? How do you react/respond?? Well… you fake it. At least I did… The initial chemistry was there… the heavy petting and fabulous kisses… but when it came down to actually having sex… oh my goddess… WTF happened?!?! Two weeks of anticipation… two weeks of flirting and teasing… only to have it end in severe disappointment.

I knew about an hour into the situation it wasn’t going to get any better… I didn’t know that it could get worse. But- what are you suppose to do at the time? Stop the sex and leave? I couldn’t leave, he road with me. Should I have developed a sudden illness? Or just said… “This is not working for me and I don’t want to have sex with you anymore cause you suck.” ????? I decided to play out the night… thinking we went through a wee bit of trouble to make this happen… I’ll just let him finish- maybe offer a little direction.

My mistake… he didn’t want to ‘finish’ so to speak. Every time I took control to ‘end’ the situation, he’d just pull away and literally flip me down on the bed…. ‘Not yet…’ WTF?!?! Finally, after 4 hours, I started being my naturally rude little self and said that he drained the energy out of my body- which was true- and I was ready for bed. He wasn’t finished yet… and decided to brag about how he warned me it would go on for hours and hours… Well yes- yes he did… but I really had no idea that was a bad thing. Not only was I annoyed because the sex was awful, I was tired, becoming cranky… NOW the monkey wanted to brag and boast… more rudeness spewed from my mouth. Something about shutting his big trap and being an asshole by bragging. Didn’t phase him… not at all. I ended up having to play the ‘I feel woozy, the room is spinning’ card since we had been drinking. FINALLY! I got to sleep. The next morning before we headed out, I hopped in the shower only to discover my body was covered with hickies. I haven’t been this annoyed in a while… bad sex, lack of sleep and to top it off I looked like a freaking 16 yr old with hickies all over the place. I kept my cool though… figuring I would realize a valuable lesson.

Anyway… when I thought about the whole thing… I wondered what else I could have done differently. Should I have just been brutally honest? Should I have just taken him home and ended the evening?? Where was my freaking lesson? How awkward is it to tell someone they just don’t do it for you sexually? Especially when things are new…

I know not… but I can tell you one thing… I will never allow myself to drag out something I am not fully into ever, ever again. How I will end the situation… I haven’t a clue… but I'm not going to finish the 'act' if I am not enjoying it.

What would you do?

(Nevermind the poll I had here... it was screwing up the blog)