Possibly Maybe PPD

Paranoid Personality Disorder

Symptoms:
* Suspicion
* Concern with hidden motives
* Expects to be exploited by others
* Inability to collaborate
* Social isolation
* Poor self image
* Detachment
* Hostility
* Poor sense of humor

Lately, I’ve been noticing how intense and erratic my sister’s behavior has become. She’s always been uptight and very judgmental… but it’s getting to the point where I am starting to believe she has developed a paranoid personality disorder. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister to death… but she is very difficult to get a long with. We only started getting close when I hired her as my assistant about 3.5 years go. She doesn’t work for me now, but she still works for the same company in the same building. Anyway… in those 3 years her temperament and attitude has worsened.

She has become so suspicious of EVERYONE, and that is no exaggeration. She doesn’t trust anyone… not even me at times. Everyone has some hidden agenda against her- from people driving on the road to the people in grocery stores. She thinks people are constantly talking about her behind her back, especially at work. She is soOo irritable and angry you can literally feel it pulsate off her when she comes in the room. There’s not a day that goes by without her screaming and yelling at her boyz… and it’s gotten to the point to where they just instantly turn her off, walk away from her or smart off. All these traits are being forced on her boys and they are reflecting her behavior. If someone upsets her she will go off on them- no matter where she’s at… and there have been several instances people have threatened to call the police- or actually did call them.

Everybody is wrong, everybody is conniving and nobody cares. She’s a beautiful woman, I’ve often envied her beauty and petite size… but she sees herself as this hideous fat monster. She holds grudges big time… and forces her boys to hold the same grudges.

She’s also developing an obsessive-compulsive disorder… constantly spraying disinfectant, checking through her food and drinks- not wanting to touch anything. If she finds a hair in her food at a restaurant, she will never go back. She throws away tons of stuff thinking it’s ruined or contaminated because of something minor. We have to live with a certain amount of yuck… especially unseen things that crawl all over us daily… she can’t think about it. If she could, she’d wear surgical gloves 24-7 and make people step through a decontaminating chamber.

I first started noticing her compulsiveness about 2 years ago… but it was funny at the time. I discovered that if you ‘wondered’ how many of an item there was… she would count them in her head and a few minutes later tell you how many there is. I played with that a little bit… One day we were standing outside on break at work and I said… “Wow, there are a lot of cars in the parking lot- I wonder how many there are.” I then started talking about something else and a couple of minutes later she told me how many there were. I would do that with the steps, with things sitting on counters, etc. Of course I always pointed it out to her, and eventually she caught on- but we’d laugh a bit. I never realized it could have been the beginnings of serious personality disorders.

It’s not funny anymore… it’s not just a ‘quark’ of hers anymore… it’s down right scary. She feeds it to her children daily. Her oldest son is 17… he’s refrained from having girlfriends because my sister picks them apart, saying they are just using him, they don’t care about him and that he’s a sucker for giving them gifts or giving them rides. Even their friends get it too… and she doesn’t hesitate in telling these kids that she thinks they are rotten either. Her boys aren’t allowed to talk to our mom or dad. Though there is somewhat of a good reason for that, my mom is a gossip monger and my dad is a chronic pain grouch, but to not be able to have any conversation with them… How was your day… they shrug or say I don’t know. They will never tell grandma or grandpa anything. It’s starting to get that way with me too… They just don’t feel like talking now because sister beats everything into the ground… because everything is bad and nothing is good… why bother.

I am scared for her… I am scared of her to an extent. What I fear from her is her delusions will cause her to cut off our relationship and she will have no one in the family with patience enough to try to help her or talk to her. Nobody else in the family can take her screaming or distortion of things into the worst possible scenario. I have always tried to reason with her and rationalize things with her… but it’s getting so bad now… she just tells me I don’t care how she feels or what she thinks.

I’ve mentioned medications to her… but she is so doubtful that doctors rip you off and put you on stuff you don’t need. Sometime I’ll go into the story of her youngest son going to counseling 4 times for suicidal thoughts and depression… and how she didn’t like the smell of the office so she doesn’t go anymore. He still has the thoughts… he still has depression. She is fueling it and transforming it into a new monster… one far more difficult to control.

I looked up and printed tons of info from the net. One of the best sites I’ve found is PsychologyToday

. They explain some things simply- so you aren't overwhelmed with big strange words. You should visit their test page. They have all kinds of personality tests from anger to fashion… it even tells you how long each test is. Here is the link: Personality Tests.

Never Self-diagnose... you can only realize that you or someone close to you may have some symptoms- but only through professional assistance can you be certain you suffer from a severe personality disorder and you should only consider treatments with the assistance of your doctor or a certified professional.

Temporal Travels...

Click the picture to see the entire thing, but it will take a second to load.

Too Little Time ToO Much To Do

I have entirely too many things I am trying to do at once. I have so many projects and ideas half started… I’d like to sit down and finish them- but there never seems to be enough time. I’ve been cutting down on sleep because I’ve been working on these projects… and it’s starting to take toll. I am so freaking exhausted today it’s unreal.

I sold $180 in jewelry yesterday at my office, and today I will take my stuff to my boss’ office… where I hope to make at least $200. I’m going to try and focus on getting my website www.robinsmoon.com up, where you can finally see and buy my junk, from dainty to gaudy. Again, it’s a matter of not having enough time or overworking myself to the point of exhaustion.

Hmmm, Dentyne Gum and Chocolate Milk taste pretty good together, whoda thunk.

Tonight I just plan on resting… maybe pick my toenails, watch some tv and/or play a video game. I bet you anything I’ll end up working… though rest assured I will pick my toenails! (Giving myself a pedicure- I just like how gross ‘picking my toenails’ sounds. Kinda like how my sister tells her son to ‘brush his fangs’ rather than brush his teeth.)

I suppose I’m just keeping myself busy to keep my mind occupied. Seems I can’t sit still without getting sad or depressed.

Humankind No More

I’ve decided I really don’t like being human. There’s just way too much involved in living as a human… it’s toO freakin’ emotional. I think I’ll find a way to turn myself into a Fantail Goldfish.

Why in the world a Fantail Goldfish you ask? Yes… I know they are incredibly disgusting, silly creatures… but I think having a memory that lasts only 3 seconds says it all. I wouldn’t have to worry about how I look, how much money I’m making, how lonely I am… heck I wouldn’t be thinking of anything at all. No worries. Having a long string of fish poop and bubble farts hanging from my ass end all the time wouldn’t bother me at all… cause I’d forget it’s there. Having the fantail would be just for aesthetic purposes… not that I’d know that if I were indeed a goldfish.

I’ll go live in Samantha’s fish tank… she just needs to make sure not to over feed me, because having such a short memory- I’d constantly forget I already ate. She could rearrange the tank décor all she wants… I would never remember anyway. She could give me other fishy companions- but I wouldn’t care, I’d forget them in 3 seconds anyway. I’d never be lonely, never be concerned with planning for the future. Also, I’d never be concerned with being trapped in my surroundings… every 3 seconds I’d be some place I’ve never been before… heck I could be swimming the ocean and never know the difference.

Yep… it’s the aquatic life for me… as an idiot.

I use to have 2 large fantail goldfish. I purchased a 20-gallon vertical fish tank off a friend… and the fish were included. Their bodies were the size of my hand at the time and their tells were a lovely 4 inches long. One was a spotty black & gold- the other was a beautiful collage orange, white & red. It was soothing to watch them swim around. The thing I hated about them most was that long string of shit hanging from them at all times. I’d get the fish net and try to get it off them… but soon after it would be right back. Bleh. I ended up selling the fish tank and the fish to another friend for the exact same price. They were pretty to look at though… and led me to purchase some beautiful Angel fish that I had for 5 years… who’s wonderful fins grew so long I was proud.

OMGS!

Wow… I was just hit by a couple of girls in my office and sold $117 worth of jewelry in 15 minutes! That’s not even including what I’m hoping to make at my bosses office.

All the really cute holiday stuff went poof instantly heh. Here's a sample. These beads were awesome swirly clear, white & red. Very neat. Didn't last 5 minutes from the time I pulled them out of my box and placed them on the table. A bracelet I put together in about 5 minutes- glass & peweter. A very cute deer charm (the picture doesn't show the swirly pattyern on it very well) and two jingle bells.

Yes, I still live...

Been very busy making jewelry the last couple of weeks... Christmas junk. Gots to make some moOla to have shopping monies.

Right now, I am shoving handfuls of fruitloops into my mouth so I can have something in my belly before I take these awful antibiotics. Bleh! I get really queezy if I don't eat something. I eat way too fast because I've got tons of work to do... but I should really slow down.

Yesterday I walked around work with a fruitloop stuck in my hair. I didn't realize it was there... but a curl had hanging in there since 9:30am- when I ate them. Around 12:15pm, I sat down at my desk, my hair leaned forward... I discovered the fruitloop. A bright green one, just resting in a curl. "Oh how embarrassing," I thought to myself as I picked the fruitloop out of my hair, placing it in my mouth.

Yes, I ate the fruitloop. I am not ashamed.

The Oreo Cookie Personality Test

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:

1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time.
3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverous nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreo.

Your Personality:
1. The whole thing. This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.

2. One bite at a time. You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and methodical. You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.

4. Feverous nibbles. Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

5. Dunked. Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie. You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie. You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside. You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them. Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreo cookies. You just have issues.

What is your Oreo Personality?