Those of you who read my post on August 15th know that I had intentions of moving out of Matt’s house… I knew I wanted to move out… but something in my heart just kept me there.
That very same day I got a call from Matt’s ex, Jaime. Boy did she fill my head with tons o’ caca.
Anyway, I don’t know if I ever mentioned that Matt said he had a baby named Hannah that was 11 months old and was terminally ill. He told me that Jaime, who has epilepsy, had a seizure during her pregnancy and had the baby prematurely with severe complications. That Hannah was still the size of a newborn and was probably going to die in a hospital in Dallas, TX.
Well as time went by and the skeletons kept falling out of the closet… things just didn’t make sense. I questioned him several times about there being an actual baby sick & dying, he swore to me there was. Those of you who have read my previous posts… heck I don’t even remember if I wrote about it or not… Jaime was 6 months pregnant when I started dating Matt. He swore it was over, and Jaime knew about me… which was true. She just didn’t know I moved in with him later and he lied to her the entire time I was there.
Back to the story… well Jaime’s new baby was born while I was visiting my lovely Sam in Cali. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel… but I knew I loved him so I would try to make it work out as best I could. I get back and he shows me the pictures, calling the baby Michelle- which was supposedly Hannah’s middle name. Then something extremely fishy came up… he said they were thinking of naming the baby Michelle Hannah… eh??? Why would anyone in their right mind name do that when the other baby was still alive? Then when sitting at the computer with Matt, Jaime would yahoo in talking about Hannah… calling the newest baby Hannah.
He was trying his best to make me think Jaime was just having a hard time dealing with the other baby in the hospital… and was going a little nutty.
When Jaime called me, she told me that there was no other baby… this was her first baby with Matt and she didn’t know why he would even say that.
I freaked out… not knowing who to believe, because Jaime isn’t exactly normal herself, I went flying to Matt’s demanding to know the truth.
There was no baby. It was all a lie. I was freaking… WTF!!!!!???? Why would anyone make a person believe there is a dying baby… when there’s no such child. Especially after I’ve accepted so many dirty secrets of his… why would he lie about something like that??? Made for TV movie kind o’stuff.
He went on to tell me another story about making Jaime miscarry a long time ago while he was on drugs… blah blah… I didn’t know what to believe. He even tried to get his mother to cover for him… but she’s not all there since her visit to the nursing home. She can’t even remember when people come to visit her, or that she was even in a nursing home for a month.
I said “You’re all fucking liars as far as I’m concerned” and I started loading up my car to move out August 15th, later that evening.
Matt’s mom begged me not to go, even offered me money.
Matt got really defensive for a minute- got in my face, but when he saw the fury in my eyes, he knew I would tear him up, so he backed off… then begged several times for me not to leave.
He helped me load 3 boxes in my car… out of tons of junk… I don’t know how it all fit but it did… and I left.
I spent so much money at that house trying to clean it and fix it up I put myself in horrible debt. I loved him so much that it destroyed my heart… and I still struggle not to talk to him.
But… I am somewhat happy to be back home in a nice, clean, 95% bug-free house with people who may be a little nutty, but love me completely- my family.
I can’t fathom how someone I dedicated myself to, someone I loved so intensely, someone I told that we could share every dirty little secret and not be ashamed or cast judgment… someone I tossed my whole world up-side-down for... would do that to me.
I could have handled him sleeping with another woman… sex is sex… but this was such an intense lie… such a heartbreaking lie… I swear I thought he was possessed by a demon. But… since I don’t believe in demons… mainly just malevolent energies… I determined he was a leech. A leech who drained me of everything I had both physically and emotionally.
Slowly… I am letting it go… but it’s still tough. I came to the conclusion that Matt told the story in the beginning of our relationship to coincide with Jaime’s recent pregnancy. That after she had that baby, he would make me think it was Hannah. Well… I guess he didn’t realize things were going to get so serious between us and that Jaime and I would talk, trying to get along. What I don’t understand is why he kept up with the lie after the baby was born, and I even asked him 3 times if there really was another baby- he still kept on. The baby’s name is actually Hannah Michelle, the name they decided on when they first found out she was pregnant, 6 months before I started dating Matt.
I asked him what was he going to do… make me think this baby died in the hospital, and all would be ok… he said he didn’t know what he was going to do, he didn’t really know why he lied about it…
I know… he’s a leech… and it’s in his nature to such the life force from those around him.
Confusing eh? Tell me about it…
My Next PostThe next post I’ll discuss something a wonderful friend emailed me about… but I would like to thank him in advance before I fill you guys in.
Skip, Thank You. Your letter made me realize a serious flaw I have inherited. And it was that letter you sent that I believe finally helped me see the truth and start the real journey to healing. *smOoch*
