Don’t take life too seriously…

Oh look… I can post things that aren’t rated NC-17... but don't expect a habit of it.

· A day without sunshine is like night.
· On the other hand, you have different fingers.
· I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.
· 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
· 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
· I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
· Honk if you love peace and quiet.
· Remember, half the people you know are below average.
· He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
· Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
· The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
· Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
· A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
· Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
· Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
· If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
· How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand...
· OK, so what's the speed of dark?
· If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
· When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
· Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
· Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
· How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
· Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
· I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
· My mechanic couldn't repair my brakes, so he made my horn louder.
· Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
· Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
· Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.