Dreaming Men

I had a dream of my first real love last night. It isn’t the first dream I’ve had of him recently… in fact, ever since I broke up with my last boyfriend I’ve been dreaming of all the men in my life. Seems strange… but I’m guessing my subconscious is telling me, no teaching me of all the issues ‘I’, myself, have had in these relationships.

I’ve had five serious relationships since high school. I have dreamt of each one. I was the one who ended my relationships. Not because I didn’t love them… but because I knew it was just bad to continue on the way things were going.

Anyway… in this particular dream… Rick and I were back together- living together. He was telling me about the things he didn’t like about me… like my smoking and why it bothered him when he kissed me. Though in the actual relationship… my smoking didn’t stop him from kissing me. He was one of the best kissers I’ve ever had.

Anyhoo… I think my subconscious is just going through telling me that there were things I needed to change… as well as things that caused me to lose faith in the relationship.

Each relationship had something that I wish I could combine into one great love, one great relationship. I just seriously doubt I’ll ever find that…

I’m lonely… but I don’t want to wade through the b/s of dating… the b/s of trusting… the b/s of fully giving my heart to someone and have them take it for granted.

I feel like I’m bound to be an old spinster… with tons of cats & dogs.

Dreaming The Dead

As the relationship dream evolved… it turned into a night of the living dead dream. These are probably the only reoccurring horror dreams I have anymore. The thought of zombies walking around and coming to eat me thrills me… scares me… in my dreams I am always with family- running away from or battling zombies.

Though I wake up a bit disturbed… I actually like these dreams. I love horror movies… and if I could turn my dreams into movies- I’d make a fortune!

In this particular part of the dream… we were in underground tunnels, like a sewer, and water deep enough for little boats. There were various pieces of furniture floating all over the place. We, my sister and I, were trying to find a way outside.