Anguish…
He may have days, possibly weeks… but nevertheless, he is dying all too soon. Each day brings the fear, the realization closer. His mind slips farther and farther away… as his body moves less with each passing day.
The little girl inside my heart screams and sobs “No Daddy! Don’t go! Not yet! Not ever! Don’t leave me! Oh Daddy… my Daddy… you can’t die… you just can’t!” But… the semi-adult woman I try to be bears witness to his pain, his suffering… a type of torture… and longs for him to be at peace. Another duality I’ve come to know.
Death comes to steal the last bit of innocence I have… and I must experience the loss of a loved one. A ‘first’ I’d prefer not to add to the list I made some time ago.
Not to mention the major conflict of 'faith.' I'd prefer not to have some minister, a perfect stranger- as my father has not been to church in decades, give a sermon at my father’s funeral… but the entire family’s religion is that of a fundamental Christian nature. I can see it now… stones hurtling through the air as I stand before the mourning crowd of family and friends saying, “May the Goddess receive you and hold you close to her bosom.”
Poetic Deathbed…
How do you write a eulogistic (Christian, no less) poem that is to be read at your dying father’s funeral? My mother asked this of me. I didn’t think I could do it… a task excruciatingly difficult for one so emotional, such as myself. In fact, I didn’t think I would be able to breathe over the past couple of months… but I did- still am… and so I managed this:
All these falling tears, every wet and salty grain…
Are expressions of our love falling down like rain.
All these quivering hearts, every tremble and shake…
Are vibrations of our love that cause the earth to quake.
All these whispering cries, every breath and sigh…
Are the mournful songs of sorrow from having to say goodbye.
Loving Husband, Father, Brother and Friend…
We pray now that your glowing spirit may ascend
into Heaven’s open arms, into the angels’ warm embrace…
away from pain and suffering, into God’s everlasting grace.
RAW 2006
Daddy, I love you beyond expression, no word could ever describe
the joy and love you gave me, the peace I felt when at your side.
In this life you gave me courage, more than I could really show,
and, at this moment, when I must say goodbye…
it will be the courage you gave that allows me to let you go.
You will always and forever be in my heart…
Anyway...
You might decipher the 4 elements in there… 5 including the spirit… My mother and I are content with it… but yet... for some reason… I feel a bit blasphemous. Just another duality I must endure.
The little girl inside my heart screams and sobs “No Daddy! Don’t go! Not yet! Not ever! Don’t leave me! Oh Daddy… my Daddy… you can’t die… you just can’t!” But… the semi-adult woman I try to be bears witness to his pain, his suffering… a type of torture… and longs for him to be at peace. Another duality I’ve come to know.
Death comes to steal the last bit of innocence I have… and I must experience the loss of a loved one. A ‘first’ I’d prefer not to add to the list I made some time ago.
Not to mention the major conflict of 'faith.' I'd prefer not to have some minister, a perfect stranger- as my father has not been to church in decades, give a sermon at my father’s funeral… but the entire family’s religion is that of a fundamental Christian nature. I can see it now… stones hurtling through the air as I stand before the mourning crowd of family and friends saying, “May the Goddess receive you and hold you close to her bosom.”
Poetic Deathbed…
How do you write a eulogistic (Christian, no less) poem that is to be read at your dying father’s funeral? My mother asked this of me. I didn’t think I could do it… a task excruciatingly difficult for one so emotional, such as myself. In fact, I didn’t think I would be able to breathe over the past couple of months… but I did- still am… and so I managed this:
All these falling tears, every wet and salty grain…
Are expressions of our love falling down like rain.
All these quivering hearts, every tremble and shake…
Are vibrations of our love that cause the earth to quake.
All these whispering cries, every breath and sigh…
Are the mournful songs of sorrow from having to say goodbye.
Loving Husband, Father, Brother and Friend…
We pray now that your glowing spirit may ascend
into Heaven’s open arms, into the angels’ warm embrace…
away from pain and suffering, into God’s everlasting grace.
RAW 2006
Daddy, I love you beyond expression, no word could ever describe
the joy and love you gave me, the peace I felt when at your side.
In this life you gave me courage, more than I could really show,
and, at this moment, when I must say goodbye…
it will be the courage you gave that allows me to let you go.
You will always and forever be in my heart…
Anyway...
You might decipher the 4 elements in there… 5 including the spirit… My mother and I are content with it… but yet... for some reason… I feel a bit blasphemous. Just another duality I must endure.
Noodled by Burninghair at 2:49 PM
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