One Man...

10 Things That Piss Me Off

10. Pee on the toilet seat or pee dribble on the floor just in front of the toilet. If I stumble in the bathroom after just waking up and step/sit in pee… I’m sure to bitch. If you are a woman and you do this… you are a damn unsanitary skank! Oh yeah… ever heard of cleaning your ass crack when you shower? Sheesh And groom your damn pubi! I don't want to see scraggly pubi left all over the place.

9. Big 18-wheeler Truck drivers… need I say more?

8. Stepping in a wet slimy cat hairball or vomit or poop outside. That just chaps my hide and grosses me out! Fortunately, my cats hide their hairballs behind the sofa.

7. Hair in my food. It’s ok if it’s my hair… and if you are close to me… ok… I can handle it… but if I go out and some stranger’s hair is in my food, it makes me lose my appetite and I end up being hungry later… which in turn then puts me in a bitchy mood. Don’t mess with the grub…

6. Being nosey and rummaging through my stuff without asking. If I bring home a bag and leave it on the counter… don’t go digging through it! What if it’s tampons? Or Douche?! If I’m writing something, don’t stand over my shoulders reading it either… you will only gain a look of murderous death from me… “Do You MinD!?!?!”

5. Having sex without a happy ending. The whole point of me having sex is to have the happy ending! If you get yours, I’d damn sure better get mine! The only time this is voided out is during Mother Nature’s curse… however, the frustration still remains… and I’m sure to be damn bitchy.

4. Someone not following through with something they agreed to, without having a legit excuse. If I invite you to an art show, and you don’t come because you overslept… Grrrr! That was damn important to me and you will never be invited again… EVER.

3. Over-analyzing or exaggerating something I said. If you didn’t understand me, ask what I meant… but don’t twist the shit out of it and make it into this whole melodrama. Or blow it off… and move on…

2. Grab my fat… don’t do that… don’t pinch the flub… I’m liable to smack you and shout loudly “What the hell do you think you are doing?!?!” You NEVER grab/pinch/poke a woman’s flub… You’d better write that down.

1. The all time piss-off winner is, Making me repeat myself more than twice. RAHHH! I have this 3 strikes and you’re out rule… Once is ok… twice- um ok- three times… WTF?! No!, I don’t want a stinking piece of cake! No!, I’m not fucking hungry/thirsty… if I told you once, and didn’t change my mind the second time… don’t go for a third. Either you don’t believe me, weren’t listening to me or are so damn insecure you need reassurance every couple of minutes. Twice is enough… if you honestly didn’t hear me/understand me… you’d better wait a few minutes before asking me again… cause I will be sure to snap! “I told you already!! Geez, what do you want from me, a notarized statement?!?”