Love Blows...

Is it possible that most men I meet just want to use me? Yes… highly possible.
Is it true that most men are just full of shit and don’t really care who I am? Yes… highly probable.

Do I have faith in men? Not much…
Do I respect men? Not many…

But I have to keep the hope that there is someone out there who is genuinely interested in me, my heart… my soul. Someone who will truly care for me, possibly love me… even if only for a brief moment.

I have to give the benefit of the doubt until proven wrong… But everyone keeps trying to flood me with doubt. Everyone keeps trying to put down the new friendships I establish and chalk it up to ‘they only want one thing from you Robin… they will never care about you.’

Everyday I struggle to breathe…
Everyday I suffocate…
And everyday my heart dies a little more.

I fight to believe that I have purpose… that I am more than a decrepit chunk of flesh. I fight to maintain a positive self-image and better myself by growing, learning and taking better care of myself. And everyday someone somewhere tries to tear that away from me. The cliché… ‘That’s Life.’

Let’s get one thing straight…

If I choose to give in to you… if I choose to let you have me, let you have my body… you are the lucky one. I am someone you will never forget. If I choose to give you a minute of my time, a day or a few years… it’s because I loved you in some way... some way that I felt was worthy enough to share myself. It’s because I saw some brief moment of truth… some genuine quality in you- and you are lucky because I loved you for it, even if only for a moment. If it doesn’t last… you will still always have the memory of me. Just as I will have the memory you… because I chose to give you a gift.

I love immensely, my passion burns ferociously- and if I open up to you… you will never forget. You may struggle to maintain whatever ego you feel you need to maintain… but when it’s done and over… that memory will still be there. That fire will still burn and you will never forget…

Because I am unforgettable.

When this life is done with me… I will not regret. I will have no shame… but I will always and forever long for that one true love… that love which makes me cry, sing, dance, play, smile, frown, brood, choke- feel all the beautiful emotions of humanity, all at the same time… and remember that in each an every person I may have briefly loved, I had all of it, collectively.