Wow!!! It's an Update!
So I haven’t left him yet, though I made plans to move out this past Saturday. I just can’t live this way anymore… not just the nasty living conditions that seem to have no remedy, but the daily drama I tried so hard to get out of my life consumes me in his life.
He’s a beautiful man… a dreamer, a wonderful lover… but that’s all… nothing but dreams that continuously get shattered. Surviving off others… I’ve worked too hard for the things I have to just toss them out the window or at his feet.
So… as usual- I shall leave… run away.
I’ve been battling serious feelings of guilt… like I’m abandoning him and his family at their most desperate time of need. In reality… this is how they choose to live their life. No regard… no appreciation… and no end to the melancholy melodrama.
Things I have Seen…
A horde of mice leaping from an old bag of feed next to the back door, scampering to any available hole. There was at least 20… no exaggeration. They were tiny lil’ things… I killed 3 and felt really guilty about it. I’ve put rat poison all around the house and now fear for the lives of the cats and lizards that live around the house.
A horde of cockroaches scattering across the wall- covering it in a curtain of legs and ewwy brown cockroachiness. I saturated the wall with TAT bug spray… killing them instantly… I had absolutely no guilt.
Hordes of nightmarish spiders that leap from holes in the wall, catching prey and quickly disappear right back into the hole. I’ve killed dozens… and feel guilty about it… but the damn suckers don’t eat the cockroaches- so I get over it rather quickly. Some of these spiders were big enough to catch those mice and have a tasty meal.
Hordes of gnats and flies. I’ve tacked fly paper in the main areas they thrive in and sprayed the hell out of them… the fly problem has pretty much dissipated- and I have no guilt.
Things I’ve Done…
I have poisoned myself with cleaning chemicals and insecticide. I was extremely sick for a few days… but tons of water helped flush my system.
I’ve cleaned more in 2 months than I ever have in 31 years.
I’ve learned what cleaning products actually work and what products are just wastes of money. Same with pesticides. The more expensive doesn’t mean the more potent.
I have scrubbed the ass of an obese 50-something year old woman who’s body is 50% disfigured from being severely burned as a child and stood in the shower with her to help her get clean because she smelled soOo foul the dog wouldn’t lay by her. I felt guilty I didn’t try to help her shower sooner… but I was scared, uncomfortable and grossed out. That didn’t change… but I couldn’t let the woman stay like that.
Moving out- postponed.
I was going to move out Saturday… but his 14-year-old son ended up coming out for the weekend. The woman never lets Matt see his son… so this was quite a shock. Turns out the boy stole his mother’s car and she wanted Matt to punish him. Yeah… what a great way to have Matt take part in his son’s life. Anyway, Matt was going to put the boy to work… work him like a prisoner and talk to him- hopefully making the boy realize he shouldn’t take the path he’s stepped on.
I didn’t want to subject a troubled adolescent to the drama of that type of situation (me moving out cause it’s freakin’ horrible)… it certainly doesn’t help them- so I figured a couple more days wouldn’t hurt me too much.
Logan wasn’t what I expected. I expected to see this punked out, defiant teen come over with attitude and resentment. He was far from it. Poorly educated… and extremely child-like. The boy is in severe need of attention. He’s a story teller and hypes up his image to be that of a violent, malevolent raging teen… but he’s as sweet as honey. As playful as kitten and looks at the world with wonder… he just has no one to explore the world with… no one to learn from… just the television.
He’s a lonely- bored child. A teen with a lisp and a bunch of pimples… who kisses kittens on the head and hugs them. He said he stole the car because he had to get away… to get out of his home for just a little while. He hasn’t gone anywhere or done anything this summer… no trip to the mall… no running about with neighborhood kids… just babysitting his 8-yr-old sister. He took the keys from his mother’s purse, got in the car- drove around for less than an hour and went back home. He didn’t know what to do or where to go and was extremely scared.
Matt was having a fierce toothache. Although he knew his son would be coming over, he ended up taking 6 pain pills in a 3 hour time period, knocking himself out for hours. I couldn’t wake him for the life of me… I even stuck my fingers in his month, his nose and his ears… flopped his head around… it was ridiculous. But ahh well… someone had to tend to the boy… so yes- selfish me used the boy to help clean the house.
We actually had a lot of fun… talked about music, laughed and even had a water fight outside while scrubbing some rugs. Wow! The difference he helped me make in just a few hours. And the smiles the boy had on his face… while being punished so-to-speak- was enough to make me feel glad I didn’t leave yet.
He seeks positive attention… through negative means. Like being a bad kid is good… and I guess he was fond enough of me to realize that just being himself without the front was enough for me to enjoy his company. We had fun… he was very sad to go. He did learn that laziness and uncleanliness amount to a nasty, unhealthy place to live and that he's glad his mom makes him clean.
His first day back to school is today… I hope he does well. I hope he makes at least one really good friend, and that he likes at least one of his teachers. I hope… for Logan.
Noodled by Burninghair at 10:22 AM
<< Home